I went into the school the other day to watch the kids present some of their work in class. Benjamin read out a piece of work he had done about himself (autobiography) and spoke of how he missed England and his friends - especially his best friend Ehren. As well as his teachers Mrs Newman and his teaching assistant Ms Mackins.
Whenever I have asked him or Jasmine if they miss home they don't really seem to. But I had obviously underestimated how much they do. They have both settled in so well and made new friends and love their teachers and school, so I hadn't realised that they missed home that much. Well, to say I felt bad would be an understatement. I asked them both that, if we could go home tomorrow, would they want to? They both answered with a resounding 'YES', no hesitations. The problem is, they don't understand that life doesn't work that way. That if we were to pack up and leave tomorrow, we wouldn't just be able to go back to England and pick up where we left off. That part of our lives is over. I feel bad for them because I realise that and they don't. Their lives have been changed for good and whatever good memories they have will remain just that - memories.
This all got me thinking too.....both Nick and I know that we want to return to England in the next 3-5 years (at least, that's the plan anyway), but where exactly in England do we belong? Witney has good friends and memories, but unless Nick went back to his old job, or got one in Oxford, we couldn't go back there. Leicester? No way. Nick would NEVER want to live there again. Nottingham? We always thought we'd move there eventually, but somehow I doubt that it will hold the same appeal after a few years living in Toronto. London? We'd LOVE to, but it's crazy expensive, and just plain crazy. So now I feel like I have nowhere that I belong. That word again. We have moved so much in the last 9 years that I just don't know where we belong. One day I want to be able to stop moving and just belong.
1 comment:
Oh, Tanya, don't be sad. The most important thing is that you're all together.
And for the kids - in my blog I've made a link to a veeery long article (it's about changes in the German school-system) and one of the most striking thoughts in it is, that kids (usually) don't and can't question the present. They take it as given - because they don't know any other way. This is good AND bad, I know, but in your case it might be helpful.
One day you WILL belong, and maybe it'll be Toronto, or even some other place in Canada who knows? I think you'll know it once you get there, just like us here. It'll 'click'. :)
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