I've always suspected that Jasmine is in the habit of hiding her light under a bushel. Having an older brother that is so academic - writing by 3, reading by 4 and a year ahead average with maths - can't be easy. She has often expressed her frustration at not being able to read or write like Ben, yet it is amazing what stuff she knows, understands and observes when she has the opportunity to step out of his limelight. Ben, bless him, is very keen to help her. Sometimes so keen that he doesn't give her a chance to do things for herself, but he can also be very good at encouraging her. Just the other day they both sat at the kitchen table whilst I was cooking, doing some spellings. I would call out a word for Ben to spell (and he likes 'hard' ones) and then he would give Jasmine a word to spell. If she couldn't so it, he would carefully write it out for he to copy, then say something like 'that's really good, well done!' when she'd finished. It was so nice to see them co-operating like that together and getting on so well.
I am really pleased with the standard of education that they are getting. Jasmine has come on so quickly now that she is in the structured setting of school. I always felt that she needed more structure as she wasn't being challenged anymore at pre-school. I also think she was frustrated because she wanted to have work to do like Ben and she wanted to go on trips to the library and the museum like he does, and pick reading books and so on. Now that she does, she loves it. She told me that they have been listening to 'The Nutcracker', which she told me she really likes. She also said that they are learning about an artist called 'Kandinsky' and that she has drawn a picture like him. Added to this her understanding of phonics is amazing and she is learning to recognise words and spell them when asked.
In the car last week we were talking about what they are learning in school and one of them said something about scavengers. Jasmine said that vultures are scavengers (though she didn't pronounce it quite like that) I asked her if she knew what a vulture At first she said no so I was about to explain what one was, but she surprised me by then saying "a vulture is a bird that waits near sick animals and when they die they eat them up". To say I was impressed would be an understatement. I just expected her to say that they are birds. I was also thinking I would need to give her a less scary description of what a vulture is and does. I needn't have worried, it didn't at all seem to bother her.
Mother Guilt
As a full time working mum who is also a school governor, on the pre-school Committee and can't afford a maid to help clean our 3 storey townhouse or do the laundry (and has a mad obsession with making things that means that I can often be found in front of the TV at midnight knitting or sewing to CSI!) - I do sometimes feel bad that I am not doing enough for my children. I often feel that everyone else is reading to their kids more, taking them to the park more, shouting at them less, not making them tidy up their stuff as much, getting them to bed on time more. I realise this is quite unfounded. We do plenty of things together. We do lots of arts and crafts, we read books, go to football practise and now Tae kwondo. We go to the park, sometimes even the museum or the ruins in Minster. We do spellings and cooking and we also spend time together before bed each night thinking about our day and saying what we are thankful for. We use this time to also learn memory verses (though in their haste to prove they know it better than the other, they often argue over who gets to be first to recite) But as a mum I think that you always feel you aren't doing enough/could be doing more or better.
I look at mums who get to stay at home and sometimes feel like they are somehow doing a better job. In reality I have been there and I know that it's not always as idyllic as it may look to others. I know the frustration at not getting enough adult stimulation, at not doing much more than cleaning and feeding. The frustration at feeling like your extra-parental talents and interests are being neglected. I think I am finally coming to realise that all your child needs is love, food, warmth and attention. However you work that out for your family is ok. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to have all the answers, you will make mistakes, and that's ok too. You don't need to follow a strict plan, and what works for someone else's family most likely won't work for yours. And most importantly of all, outside appearances of domestic bliss are most often a facade - nobody and no family is perfect. I need to ease up on myself - I am my own worst critic. I need to remember that I have two healthy, happy, well adjusted, kind and beautiful children who love me. And they will love me whether I take them to the park once a week or 5 times a week!
Whew, don't I feel better for getting that off my chest! I have just been feeling quite tired after a couple of really hectic weeks with a few crises along the way. Tired enough to feel I have not been at my best for the kids and that starts off the whole 'I need to do more/better' feelings......
No comments:
Post a Comment